Being on the other end....

I am learning that sometimes we just have to dig down deep and just keep trying even if it makes no sense what so ever. Even if it means loving a person we despise the most for the sake of the children.

One thing I wish with all my heart is that birth moms(like myself) would see that no matter what there are step-mommies who are always doing for the kids. I do this everyday even if that means I have to swallow all my pride and hate for the mommies in the world who do not get this. Because in the end the persistence, that moment of kindness shows the children that no matter what wrongs others do, we are still good people trying to do good things by the children. 

I have realized that getting angry and ignoring the fact, that as an adult, sometimes you have to do things you don't like, (Such as accepting the new person in your ex's life) is all apart of growing up into a mature and beautiful person. And isn't that what we want our children to be at the end of the day? 

I'm at that point in my life where I am sick of hearing the complaints on what someone else does or doesn't do the way you think it should be. We can not control anyone other than ourselves. At the end of the day our actions speak volumes to the children in our lives. I can honestly say, with all my heart, that every day I try to show the children in my home that no matter what their other family members or outside parties do or say, that I am stronger than stooping to a negative level and/or giving up. I will always talk nicely about their dad and step-mom or biological mom while they are around. I will always encourage them that no matter what happens at this very moment they have been blessed with more family that loves them than most people in the world. That there are times when people who love you will do things that hurt us but its ok. These people will always love them no matter what they do right or wrong. That its just a part of life. 
 
I will support my children and step child to know no matter what their "real parents" whether they do good or bad that they love them in their own way. Same goes for "the other parent." If we do not teach these children that people make mistakes either out of anger or vengeance or just stupidity then they grow up angry, confused, and hurt. And its a parents job to make sure that at any age their children understand this. Other wise your truly no different than the parent that you feel is wronging the children to begin with. 

I sit here daily struggling at times to even speak to people anymore. It seems nothing ever gets through in these situations. YOU are the only one who controls YOU, but as a parent you have the responsibility to guide any and all children around you. And if you cant see that even some things that you do are no different than the other parent or parents then your not seeing the bigger picture. You don't honestly know what goes on in that house any more than they know about yours. But like everyone in these high conflict situations we all assume we do based on what someone else says. There isnt a single day in a childs life when they are not learning from what adults do around them. So we need to look at the bigger picture instead of what we want all the time. For the children not for us!  I have not seen one single action for the child, but my 5 children know every single day, THEY ARE LOVED BY ME, BY THEIR DAD, BY THEIR STEP-MOM, and THEIR SOON TO BE STEP-DAD!  I will love and teach my soon to be step daughter, SHE IS LOVED BY ME, BY HER FATHER, and HER MOTHER (and anyone she chooses to have) no matter what.  AND NO ONE NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON WILL TAKE THAT RIGHT AWAY FROM ME!!!

Living With Guilt

Guilt… it is a word we adopt early in life and come to believe is a character trait to practice with pride.

Guilt…we are led to believe means putting the needs of others before your own and carrying guilt proves you are self-less and good.


Guilt seems to be a huge bi-product of divorce and second marriages…needlessly …do other people apologize for falling in love?  Today, I am not in the guilt trap!  It is just that – a trap and one that leads us on the path of negativity. We are not responsible for the happiness of others yet we often feel guilt when those around us are unhappy.  Guilt does rob us of energy and spirit. I would much rather focus my energies on my self-care and my relationship with my fiance' and children. I choose courage and love. Guilt has no place in my life. I may make mistakes but I live with a pure heart and try my best each day. And that’s the best I can give!  I held on to so much guilt about my divorce, even though I had to get out of such a toxic relationship. I always feel bad for any pain my children had to endure. If I think they MIGHT endure more, mama bear kicks in and guilt starts it cycle.

I shouldn't carry guilt for wanting to be a Women and Making friends.  I shouldn't carry guilt for wanting to not be with my children every waking minute of every waking moment.  I should not carry guilt for loving someone, and knowing there are healthy boundaries.  So many times you think your acting out of normal behaviors, but the underlying thoughts are reactions of guilt.  Many people use guilt as a way to communicate, and cause the infamous "guilt trip" to have you bend to their ways.  When at the end of the day, this is engraved in their souls from years of lack of something in their own lives reaching out for it in their present live

BAN GUILT from our vocabularies, from our lives and from our thought processes. And here’s the kicker…actually putting in the effort to Ban Guilt and do what you need to do for yourself, serves others much better than the alternative.